Child Loss: Saying “Happy Birthday” When Our Child is Gone
Never in one million years did I think I’d ever be faced with the agony of how to celebrate my child’s birthday after his death. Yet, it happened to me just as it happens to thousands of parents every year. Yet, strangely enough, we don’t talk about how to do this. Why? Because truthfully, society seems to shun talk of death — especially the death of child. Add to that the fact that we want to honor our child’s “birthday” after death, and we often get stares from people like we’ve gone totally crazy. Today, let’s push aside all thoughts about what others think. I’m going to share some thoughts…
Child Loss: What Happens When there is Little Support?
When child loss occurs, nobody knows what to say or do. So, many times people say whatever pops into their minds, and that’s usually never a good thing and offers very little, if any support. When I delivered my little Samuel, I held him close to me as my tears drenched his face. He was born still. I knew ahead of time that his heart had stopped beating, but never did I dream that my heart would stop beating, too, when he entered this world. Even though he was not alive, I still felt safe and close to him when his body was still inside of mine. Does that makes sense? It’s…
Child Loss: Seeing Our Child After Death
People don’t like to talk about this subject. They say it’s too disturbing. But, worse is when it happens to you and you’re not expecting it, and then you believe you’re crazy. Sometimes we honestly believe we can see our child who died walking among the living. You didn’t lose your mind. This is all part of your grief, and it’s time people began talking about it! When my sister died at age thirteen, I was devastated! I was only fifteen, and nobody had prepared me at all about death. Why would they? It’s something you don’t really think much about at that age. And, truthfully, death isn’t a topic that…
Child Loss: Where Are My Friends?
“What happened? Where are my friends?” Those are probably two of the most pain-filled questions that parents and families of child loss ask following the death of a child. This seems to be the one thing that is misunderstood the most by grieving parents.
Child Loss: Things People Say
Losing a child is horrible. There is no description that can define the pain. Unless you’ve lived it, you can’t fully “get it”, and there’s not one person who has experienced the loss of a child that would wish this kind of pain on anyone — not even their worst enemy. There are some things that are a blur and will always remain a blur following the death of my thirteen year old sister and then later on following the loss of my son and six miscarried babies. But, the things that remain clear to me are the things that were said to me during my darkest hours of grief. The words…
Child Loss: The Secret in My Dresser Drawer
Twenty five years ago something happened in my life that I didn’t think I could live through. One day I was happily pregnant anticipating a new baby joining our family. And, then without warning I didn’t feel any of the kicks and somersaults that I looked forward to all throughout the day and night. My body was so still and it was frightening. I was too afraid to move. Too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to allow my thoughts to enter that dark chamber where I knew my heart was going to receive news that would cause my heart to break in two. I waited ’til morning to call the doctor. Maybe I…
Child Loss: Facing Thanksgiving Without My Child
I had to get a few things from Walmart earlier today, and the store was filled with displays for Thanksgiving and Christmas already. In fact, any store you go into has the same advertising going on. I was pushing the cart along the doll aisle looking for a birthday gift for one of my granddaughters, when all of a sudden it hit me. Grief. Full blown grief! I dug deep into my handbag to find a tissue to wipe the tears that were dripping down my face. “Where did this come from?” I asked myself. I wasn’t expecting these emotions to come knocking on the door of my heart — not…
Child Loss: The Silence is Deafening!
As I think back on the worst moments of child loss and the loss of my sister, the one thing that stands out the most is the silence. The “absence” of the child that was loved so much leaves a silence that is deafening. Everything about the silence is a reminder that our child is no longer with us. No more waking up to the cries of a little one needing his diaper changed. No more giggles following a splishy-splashy bubble bath. No more hearing the words “mommy or daddy” fifty or more times in a row. No excited talk at the dinner table about the soccer game. No noise …
Child Loss: The Pain Cannot Be Described
I held him in my arms. His little body was perfect. I pulled him up close to me and we sat cheek to cheek. I kissed his tiny little head a thousand times and more. I held his tiny little fingers and just kept touching them lightly against my lips. I took his precious little feet and fit them into the palm of my hand and ever so gently closed my fingers around each tiny toe counting to make sure there were five on each small foot. And, then I felt my body fold into a million broken pieces as I rocked back and forth, my body shaking in pain knowing…
She Knew She Was Dying……I’m Sure of It!
Many of you have been following the story about my sister’s death. If you’re new to this blog, I’d suggest you begin here. Child loss is such a complex grief that we could spend hours discussing this pain every day and still come up with the same conclusion: “Child loss is the worst pain that anyone will ever go through. It can’t fully be explained in words — ever. Losing a child is like having your heart broken into a million pieces!” Carmella was diagnosed with asthma when she was six years old. She had severe asthma — her attacks were brutal. At that time, there weren’t as many medications available…